Toxicity by Katie May

Author:Katie May [May, Katie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-11-11T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

I wander aimlessly.

There’s no destination in mind, no specific location...just away.

As my—thankfully covered—feet pound against the gravel, I can’t help but think how similar this moment is to the one a few nights ago.

Me, running away.

Me, being a coward.

Is that going to be my thing? Am I always going to run from my problems? At what point do I give up, recognize that this—everything—is too much?

I’m falling, falling, falling, but I have no one to catch me. I’m searching for that hand, but it’s never there.

At this point, I just want to...well...I want to crash. I want to reach the bottom of whatever canyon I’m dangling over.

Byron…

His words echo in my head. His declaration. His confession. Did he mean those words, stated so dogmatically? Does he truly love me?

I’ve never been in love before. I wouldn’t be able to tell you what it’s like or how I’m supposed to feel. Is my heart supposed to pound rapidly against my rib cage? Are my knees supposed to go weak?

Or is it a calmness, a sense of peace before the coming storm? Is it safety and comfort?

Or is it the eye of a hurricane, and you’re just waiting for the inevitable attack?

I don’t know how I feel about Byron, about any of them, but I know I want them in my life. I want Byron here with me, not behind bars for a crime he didn’t commit.

And I know he didn’t commit it. He admitted to beating up Jared, and I don’t think I can blame him. If I discovered someone was hurting Byron, I’d do the exact same.

And did Jared…?

Did Jared threaten Susie? Is that how he got By to remain silent?

My head throbs painfully, and tears fester in my eyes. I stubbornly refuse to let them fall.

Somehow, my feet lead me to the now darkened bridge erected above churning water. The river roars, frothing against the shore dozens of feet below. The ice has long since melted.

My hands shake as I pull myself onto the slick ledge, using one of the metal pillars for balance. Down below me, the water looks more chaotic than I could ever imagine. The sun has disappeared behind the boughs of trees, painting everything in pink and gray. Despite these colors, the water appears almost black from this distance.

Only then, do I allow my tears to fall. They trail down my cheek silently.

Behind me, a car drives by—either not noticing or not caring about the girl seconds from jumping. Why would they care? I’m just a random female. Nothing special. I’m the girl who had just escaped a toxic relationship...through death. I’m the girl with the tattoo of a dragon branding her as something disgusting.

I’m nothing.

A memory bombards me, assaults me, and my feeble grip on the railing loosens as the tears fall harder. Faster.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” The man’s voice was sickly sweet. Poison. That was the word Momma always used to describe men like him—men who would do anything to get in your pants.

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